Reflections on...

For as long as I can remember, I have kept a diary. When I was little, it was my Pocahontas diary, purple with a shiny gold lock, where I wrote mostly about things I wanted, like Barbies, and the odd times when I got mad at my mom for "loving the dog more than me" (I was a little dramatic. "Was??" says Chad). Then I got a little older, and I moved on to pretty, flowery bound journals from Barnes and Noble where I wrote about.... BOYS. In fact, I probably need to go back to my parents' house and burn some of those for the graphic descriptions of high-school make-outs they probably contain. Eek.

And then I went to college, where I discovered the beauty and the simplicity of the Moleskine Notebook (Google it!). I bought them in three packs and filled them up with song lyrics, magazine cutouts, bits of poetry (quotations and my own), movie and concert tickets, random musings, wine reviews, longer and more serious entries, and things I didn't want to forget.

I think around the time Parker was born I stopped writing so often. Apparently I had other things to do (like breastfeed every 90 minutes for SIX MONTHS). But I unearthed my last notebook (#8, covering August 2009 - the present, kinda) yesterday whilst unpacking my office, and I found some things I wanted to share.

My entry from 8/3/2010, a little more than a month before Parker was born.

Things I Want to Teach My Son
(In no particular order)

• Respect women. Women are your sisters and your partners in life.
• Stay healthy. Mind as well as body.
• Learn how to balance a checkbook the old-fashioned way. It's the key to being responsible with money.
• Don't get mad about things over which you have no control. You're predisposed to this because of your parents, unfortunately.
• The only thing you should do in excess is love others. So keep the drinking/swearing, etc. in check.
• Get the best education you can in whatever inspires you the most -- if that means a non-traditional path, that's ok.
• Listen more than you speak
• The old maxim "Never go to sleep angry" is untrue! Sometimes its good to sleep on your anger, then wake up and see if whatever you were angry about is still important
• Keep in mind that all problems are relative. When you think you have it rough, think of others who have it rougher.
• Enjoy reading for pleasure. Everyday authors are some of the best teachers out there. 
• Don't be shy.
• Don't be afraid to speak your mind, even if it means talking back to me.
• Don't be afraid to stand your ground, even if it's an adult telling you you're wrong. Gut instincts are rarely misleading.
• Trust others until they give you a reason not to.
• Have a relationship with God, in whatever form it takes.
• Try new things, but don't be reckless. You'll be able to tell the difference between what might make a great story and what might get you hurt or in trouble.
• Always forgive. Never forget. 
• Be creative. Don't always take the easy way out -- finding a new way is usually much more fun.
• Open doors for women even if they look like feminists.
• Don't pretend to be something/someone you're not for the benefit of others. 
• Follow through.
• Don't hold grudges. 
• Lean on your family when you need to. We will never walk out on you.
• Pick up after yourself, whether or not you're a guest in someone's home. 
• After you pray and talk to God, be still for a while and let Him talk to you. 

And to follow that up, my entry from 11/18/2010, in all of its sleep-deprived glory. (You'll quickly notice the difference between the two).

Reflections on pregnancy:

• First trimester is sick. Second trimester is fun. Third trimester is fat and wobbly.
• I was healthier than at any other time in my life.
• I loved the attention (weirdly enough, especially having to go to the doctor all the time). 
• Maternity clothes are ridiculously comfortable. I honestly never want to wear zip-up pants ever again.
• Everyone laughter when Juno said she was a "sacred vessel," but it's really true. Life suddenly has importance and direction, and you realize your place in the larger scheme of things. 
• Hormones RAGE for 40 weeks. Tempers flare. Tears fall. Doors slam. But it's not you that's the bitch -- it's your hormones.
• Designing a nursery is so fun. But it's easy to go WAY overboard.
• None of the old wives tricks for inducing labor work. So eff you Eggplant Parmesan.
• Being overdue is maybe the worst form of torture ever.
• Use. The. Cocoa. Butter. My spiderweb belly thanks you in advance, amen. 
• People will give you most everything you need -- so save your $$$ for diapers. No really.
• Don't eat for two or you'll blow up. Eat for one chicken and one chicken nugget. Seriously -- 200-400 extra calories per day, and most should be calcium or protein.
• If you won't feel comfortable with one of the tests (ultrasound, amnio, Down's screening, etc...) -- you have the right and the responsibility even to say "No."
• Get pedicures. Your third trimester sausage toes will thank you, as will your OB at the delivery.
• On that note -- keep downstairs trimmed up, even when you can't see it. Trust me -- it will make you feel good about yourself.
• If you crave hot wings like I did, indulge knowing you will suffer the wrath of heartburn all night long. Mmmmmmm jalapeño cheddar. 

Reflections on childbirth:

• The nurses make all the difference.
• Tell them when it hurts, and exactly where it hurts.
• Don't get lazy about pushing -- give it your full effort all the time.
• Eating is not a great idea -- but staying hydrated is a must (Recall: puking up red Jello. Chugging club soda).
• Ask all of your questions
• Do all of the exercises they tell you to do. The birthing ball is interesting. The whirlpool tub is blissful (relatively speaking...).
• Surround yourself with the people you love. It makes the pain not as painful.
• Have people bring you food the next day -- guaranteed you will be starving and will NOT want hospital meatloaf.

Reflections on early infancy:

• It's ok to be scared to death that you're doing something wrong, but rest assured that most of the time you're not.
• Sleep train ASAP. Dark = sleep, Light = play.
• For the love of God, Breastfeed!
• If you happen to cry or laugh for no good reason or your tear spout comes on and you don't know how to turn it off -- it's not you that's the basketcase, it's your hormones.
• Call your mom. 10x a day if you need to.
• Let people help you. Let people take the baby (or your husband) off your hand -- even if it's just so you can sleep, even if they are just in the next room over.
• It's ok to feel lonely when it's just you and the baby. They are basically cute blobs for the first couple months. Don't expect fun company for a while.
• Read to him -- even if it's People Magazine.
• Take too many pictures.
• Take other people's advice with a SERIOUS grain of salt (I know this seems ironic considering the point of these "reflections," but you know what I mean.)

So what do you all think of me now? :) 

Sorry for the marathon post! I promise the next one will be shorter (and not so long coming!).