An announcement.

Wondering about my long absence? Blame morning sickness. 

(That’s right! We are having a baby!)

We got through the first trimester with only a prescription for Zofran. That was our only intervention.

The second trimester has not been so easy.

Thursday, at 16 weeks 4 days, I began to have breakthrough bleeding while I was at work. Needless to say, I was terrified. My sweet friend Robin drove me (sobbing, shaking, unable to speak) to the ER and they immediately scheduled me for a battery of blood tests and an ultrasound.

After a tense few hours this is what we knew: the baby was fine – strong heartbeat, movement in the ultrasound. The bleeding was slowing down but hadn’t stopped.

What we didn’t know, however, was why it had started in the first place.

I was discharged from the ER in the early afternoon and put on strict bed rest (except for to go see my OB) for the rest of the weekend.

The next day at the OB, they did more tests and another ultrasound.

Turns out, I had a subchorionic bleed (meaning there was an accumulation of blood within the folds of the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta or within the layers of the placenta itself) and I now have a 5cm blood clot in my uterus that is supposed to dissolve in the next 4 weeks or so.

So that means: more bleeding to come. It also means I am on modified bed-rest until my 22 week ultrasound (that’s right… 6 weeks) when they can determine if the clot has dissolved or not. I am allowed to go to and from work, but when I’m not there I am supposed to be sitting or laying down (read: can’t chase after 2 year old, can’t cook or clean house, can’t even pick Parker up).

I’m having a really hard time with all of this, to be honest. My bravery is wearing thin and I’m starting to feel flat-out sad. It’s hard to feel like your own body is betraying you. That might sound dramatic, but here’s some real talk: we are not out of the woods yet. We are praying like crazy and hoping for the best, but there are still risks and hurdles we have to get over before we can start congratulating ourselves on a new addition to our family. So now I’m afraid to be happy or excited because I’m too scared.

Sorry for the vent session – I knew you all would understand. Prayers and words of encouragement are appreciated J